today's thoughts.

never in my life have i been as poor as i am today.
i ran out of gas, my car is stranded at an elementary school. how is it that NO ONE has a gas can in this town?
i will miss my 2nd graders, today was my final day with them.
next week i will be in wyoming. everyone asks me why i'm so excited to go. i have no answer to that question.
i strongly dislike drinking soda, but i have had 2 dr. peppers in the last day.
my best friend tim gets home from his mission in less than 3 weeks. i have mixed feelings toward this because i am excited and ecstatic beyond belief, but don't know what to expect. so much happens in 2 years and how do you cram everything into a short conversation? i'm not even close to the same person that i was when he left.
last night i went to sheri's with my roommates and our friend eric until 4:00 in the morning.
i think i purposely make things more difficult for myself than they should be.
dream. learn. do.
i can count on one hand the number of times i have played the piano this semester. that is not normal behavior for me, and i do not approve!
there are so many people in this world who are willing to help me, even if they don't want to, even if they don't know me.
i have been listening to "feels like home" nonstop for the past 4 days.
i can't wait to get in shape again.
i love chelsea.
despicable me came out on dvd yesterday, i so desperately wanted to buy it, but alas, i have no monies.
my feet stink.
i can't afford to wash my clothes.
i can't afford to buy my friends or family christmas presents this year.
i can't afford to buy face wash, deoderant, or toothpaste.
i can be happy, dance, laugh, sing, eat, walk, see, breathe, live nonetheless.
☮

feeling is healing.

apology in advance: these are my current thoughts, worries, and/or frustrations, so don't expect to be humored, uplifted, and/or entertained.
why.
i do not understand 1% why i still care about someone who does not care about me, probably never did. there aren't many things in my life that i regret, but this is one. why did i have to be stupid enough to learn this lesson twice? i feel like i haven't gained anything from it other than grief and the feeling that i will never be able to have a happy, normal, healthy relationship with another human being. what if i am destined to screw up because i don't know otherwise? what if i tarnish the first person who looks my way again? doooooooooooomed.
okay.
i know i'm not doomed, i know i am just being stooopid, but dah!!
i wish i could change a lot of things i've done, but i guess that comes with growing up. i wonder how different of a person i would be had i not made the choices i did. i wish with all of my heart that i would have decided what to do, what to say, and how to be in situations before i was placed in them. living in the moment is such a rotten idea in some aspects of my life.
what i want: to be alone, in a place, where i know no one, and no one knows me. to lie on a secluded beach for days, weeks, years. to cry like i haven't cried in ages. to release every held in, bottled up emotion that i have kept hidden for the last year of my life. to scream at the top of my lungs until i can't anymore.
just to start over.
well.
this has been significantly depressing and refreshing.
tomorrow's another day.
☮

together we'll ring in the new year.

okay. okay.

i know it's been years (a little over 2 weeks) since i last blogged, but we can't all be perfect.

as the semester winds down, i look back, and am frankly disappointed. in myself. the semester itself was a grand success. i, however, was an epic failure. and, as much as i hate to admit it, my grandma was right. my grandma, my mom, along with every other human being that told me how important sleep is. they were all right. because of my sleep deprivation disorder, i have not been able to get done anything that i set out to do. such as: 1. exercise 2. homework 3. pay attention for longer than .12 seconds 4. be an effective listener 5. eat properly 6. think properly 7. function properly 8. shower daily 9. dress myself 10. maintain a healthy lifestyle.
oh well.
life goes on.
which is whyyyyy.
i'm setting goals again.
i'm moving to wyoming for the winter semester.
i won't know anyone except my mom's siblings.
i will be venturing off to the great unknown.
i see this as prime time to begin my new goals.
you probably don't care, but here they are:
1. go to bed before midnight (definitely going to run into some problems here) ((weekends should probably be excluded))
2. run 3 miles every morning
3. shower DAILY.
4. write down purchases in check register
5. stick to a monthly budget
6. eat properly
7. begin yoga (don't worry, i already customized my yoga mat and downloaded 23 yoga podcasts on itunes.)
8. go to church every sunday. attend all church functions.
9. play the piano and guitar regularly.
10. read and study scriptures for 30 minutes every morning.
11. find a way to attend the temple regularly (basically impossible in wyoming, but i will not use my location as an excuse)
12. say 5 nice things about myself everyday.
13. give 3 compliments to other people everyday.
14. pray morning and night
15. write in journal once a week.
16. be a full tithe payer
17. go tanning (yes. this is a goal. judge away.)
18. use Crest white strips 
19. go rock climbing whenever possible
20. serve others.
welp. there they are. hopefully i'll have more motivation and willpower by the time january rolls around then i do now. 
school needs to end.
it's been a wonderful adventure, but i'm ready for the beginning of the end.
(note: if this post has been boring and/or unsatisfactory, i once again blame my lack of sleep, high stress levels that increase with each passing day, plummeting determination to put forth any effort into anything, boys that will forever disappoint me and attempt (but fail!) to ruin my life, and other stuff.
i love santa.
bye.
☮

there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

at last, i have made it home!! after 2.5 days, i already feel rejuvenated, like a brand new woman, ready to take on the world. homemade bread, REAL food, warm beds, loving family, cleanliness, harry potter, and soo much snow has been exactly what i needed as of late.
can i just say again how much i love and adore my little sister? she is everything wonderful in this world.

maddie made home made cake all by her self.
i was so proud.

the bread dough was out of control.

no one on the corner got swagger like us.

face of an angel

i also recently uncovered a plethora of old photos from the last 5 years of my life. needless to say, they will not be available for public viewing. but they did however bring back a flood of happy memories and countless reminders as to why i have no friends and no soulmate. i'm not sure why i was allowed out of the house during my high school years, dressed the way that i was. here's a preview:

no comment....

☮

hey soul sister.

i cannot wait to see my family in 2 days!!
i've been working on a special project for my sisters, rachel and maddie. it consumes ALL of my time and is so addicting, i can't stop.
i can't say what it is i'm working on, because there is a slim chance that they will actually read this and ruin the surprise. just know that it is EPIC. (not really, anyone could do it)
i got to talk to them both on the phone last night.
maddie is probably the happiest person i have ever known. every time i hear her little voice i have to smile, even if i don't want to.
i know rachel is still sad about the move, and it makes me sad that she is sad. but the more we talk, the happier she becomes (right? who wouldn't be happy talking to me? ha!)
my sisters and i have had so many wonderful times together:

This is typical.

but we really do love each other.

rachel ann, madison ivy, ashley jo

david archuleta boo ya grandma!

dentist! (when i discovered i had gingivitis)

as sisters in zion.

so, in a nutshell, i love these two girls to pieces. and if ANYONE hurts them in any way, i will cuuutttttt them.
the end.
☮

it's all coming back to me now.

hey. good. i don't really know what to say today.
faafaf.
i've pretty much given up hope on going to bed early. i've embraced the fact that i will be sleep deprived for the rest of my life, which I've learned from Chelsea causes memory loss, risk of diabetes and cancer, obesity, and probably.......other stuff.
i love jesus. and abraham lincoln. and flight of the conchords. and toy story.
yes i just looked at my wall to get ideas of what to write because my sleep deprivation causes me to have the attention span of a 2 year old and the memory of an 87 year old.

this is how i'm cutting my hairs next week. i'm soo excited because it was always this length in high school and i've let myself go. my hairs are disgustingly long and NAST. pretty much, after my haircut, i will probably get engaged right away and have 2,000,000 model offers and 14 trillion friend requests on facebook.
well, that's all i can muster for today.
good night.
☮

mmmhmmm life.

So far today, I am thankful for the following:

• Clean laundry!
• Pizza rolls
• A warm bed
• 2nd graders
• Snow
• Angels and Airwaves
• Seeing my family next week :) :)
• MORMON MESSAGES=In The Spirit of Thanksgiving
• The mail system
• MY LIFE 

☮

C is for cookie. and Christmas.

My dear friend Audrey told me that I had to make a post every single day about something that I'm thankful for. Therefore, here is my first post about what I am thankful for today. And since it is nearly 2 in the morning, I think this counts as Thursday's and Friday's posts. It's my life and I make the rules.
SO.
Currently, I am thankful for winter and the happiness it brings. And when I say happiness, I mean the sheer joy that comes from skipping classes to make Christmas cookies with your friends whilst listening to holiday music.

My beautiful friend Audrey with her beautiful cookies

Audrey's gingerbread family. The son is a mixture child.

Probably the best cookies you will ever eat! Those lucky enough to eat them would agree.

yummmmm:)

As you can see, we had a very productive day, accomplishing a LOT. I guess we didn't really realize that it's not even Thanksgiving yet and Christmas isn't for another month and a half, but that is besides the point. The point is that Christmas can be celebrated every day because every day is a celebration! And who says you can't make Christmas cookies all year round? Because you can. And we did. And it was AWESOME.

finally!

peter stormer.

just discovered a song with my name in it!
never heard of one until now.
cheesy lyrics, but i'm not complaining.
feels like I've known you forever
feels like you were my very first kiss
I like you from head to toe
I like you more than you know
I can't see myself without you Ashley

yep, there it is. my name!
thank you "i tried to save the world once" for making my life complete with your tribute song to me.
and all the other 50 gazillion ashley's in the world ;)
☮

another late night at BYU-Idaho...(get it?)

3 or 4 weeks into the semester, I decided that my sleeping habits needed to change. I wasn't getting adequate sleep at night and feeling reaaallllyyyy wasted during the day at school. However, I still haven't been to bed earlier than midnight and can't seem to break the habit of staying up ridiculously late every night. And although I'm probably experiencing a lot of major health issues due to my lack of sleep, the memories made are always worth it.
They are GOLDEN!
Take last night for example.
Whilst talking about my hometown (Rockland, Idaho which is 1.5 hours away) my roommate Cassandra and I decided we were going to take a spontaneous road trip.
(This was at 1 a.m.)
So, we bundled up, got our animal crackers, cheeze-its, angels and airwaves soundtrack, and hit the road.
We made it to Idaho Falls, 25 minutes away, where I was pulled over by a very friendly cop who informed me that one of my head lights was out.
Sooooo we bagged the road trip and decided to get breakfast at Shari's instead. Needless to say, it was an adventurous night/morning and we were very glad we didn't make the trek to Rockland as we were very tired when we got home around 4.
Stupid? probably.
Are we suffering from sleep deprivation? most definitely.
Worth every minute? you betcha!
Times like these don't come around very often, and so we're doing our best to make the most out of life. As roommates, we may not get along all the time, we certainly weren't raised the same, and there are times when we would like to kill each other, but we're marching on. We're building friendships that we'll always remember and sharing experiences that we won't forget.

before we got pulled over.

shari's! so much more fun at 2 a.m.

probably the most flexible person ever born.

i think we ordered the maximum amount of refills possible.

this is what awesome looks like.

too poor for such luxury.

DEE vine!

 thanks guys.
☮

joining the hype.

well, here i am. joining you all in your crazy obsession with blogging. i've explored a lot of other blogs and have been amazed at the time and energy people pour into these things.
so, i've decided to start one and see how i like it.
like everything else in my life, it probably won't receive very much attention due to my forgetfulness and lack of ability to focus on something for longer than 15 seconds.
well.
here i go!
:)