the nerd herd.

So, it's been a while.
My life adventures have taken me to the great white north of Rock Springs, Wyoming.
Everyone asks me why I'm here.
I have no idea.
Actually, I live with my aunt and work two jobs.
One at an elementary school.
The other...at the local ice rink. yaaaa boy!
So far, it's been pretty grand, not the best, I miss friends, family, IDAHO, but I'm learning a lot!
About myself, how I act in situations where I know nobody or nothing about what I'm doing.
About different types of people and how to get along with them.
I need to do better about taking more pictures of my stay here, so I will get on that.
Until then, here are a few pictures of the computer lab where I work at Sage Elementary:

the computers. which are all macs. which i have no idea how to use.

behold.

a newer version of the smartboard? no idea how to run this either.

the children's files.

so there you have it. where i spend 8 hours of my daily life.
love it! :)

today's thoughts.

never in my life have i been as poor as i am today.
i ran out of gas, my car is stranded at an elementary school. how is it that NO ONE has a gas can in this town?
i will miss my 2nd graders, today was my final day with them.
next week i will be in wyoming. everyone asks me why i'm so excited to go. i have no answer to that question.
i strongly dislike drinking soda, but i have had 2 dr. peppers in the last day.
my best friend tim gets home from his mission in less than 3 weeks. i have mixed feelings toward this because i am excited and ecstatic beyond belief, but don't know what to expect. so much happens in 2 years and how do you cram everything into a short conversation? i'm not even close to the same person that i was when he left.
last night i went to sheri's with my roommates and our friend eric until 4:00 in the morning.
i think i purposely make things more difficult for myself than they should be.
dream. learn. do.
i can count on one hand the number of times i have played the piano this semester. that is not normal behavior for me, and i do not approve!
there are so many people in this world who are willing to help me, even if they don't want to, even if they don't know me.
i have been listening to "feels like home" nonstop for the past 4 days.
i can't wait to get in shape again.
i love chelsea.
despicable me came out on dvd yesterday, i so desperately wanted to buy it, but alas, i have no monies.
my feet stink.
i can't afford to wash my clothes.
i can't afford to buy my friends or family christmas presents this year.
i can't afford to buy face wash, deoderant, or toothpaste.
i can be happy, dance, laugh, sing, eat, walk, see, breathe, live nonetheless.
☮

feeling is healing.

apology in advance: these are my current thoughts, worries, and/or frustrations, so don't expect to be humored, uplifted, and/or entertained.
why.
i do not understand 1% why i still care about someone who does not care about me, probably never did. there aren't many things in my life that i regret, but this is one. why did i have to be stupid enough to learn this lesson twice? i feel like i haven't gained anything from it other than grief and the feeling that i will never be able to have a happy, normal, healthy relationship with another human being. what if i am destined to screw up because i don't know otherwise? what if i tarnish the first person who looks my way again? doooooooooooomed.
okay.
i know i'm not doomed, i know i am just being stooopid, but dah!!
i wish i could change a lot of things i've done, but i guess that comes with growing up. i wonder how different of a person i would be had i not made the choices i did. i wish with all of my heart that i would have decided what to do, what to say, and how to be in situations before i was placed in them. living in the moment is such a rotten idea in some aspects of my life.
what i want: to be alone, in a place, where i know no one, and no one knows me. to lie on a secluded beach for days, weeks, years. to cry like i haven't cried in ages. to release every held in, bottled up emotion that i have kept hidden for the last year of my life. to scream at the top of my lungs until i can't anymore.
just to start over.
well.
this has been significantly depressing and refreshing.
tomorrow's another day.
☮

together we'll ring in the new year.

okay. okay.

i know it's been years (a little over 2 weeks) since i last blogged, but we can't all be perfect.

as the semester winds down, i look back, and am frankly disappointed. in myself. the semester itself was a grand success. i, however, was an epic failure. and, as much as i hate to admit it, my grandma was right. my grandma, my mom, along with every other human being that told me how important sleep is. they were all right. because of my sleep deprivation disorder, i have not been able to get done anything that i set out to do. such as: 1. exercise 2. homework 3. pay attention for longer than .12 seconds 4. be an effective listener 5. eat properly 6. think properly 7. function properly 8. shower daily 9. dress myself 10. maintain a healthy lifestyle.
oh well.
life goes on.
which is whyyyyy.
i'm setting goals again.
i'm moving to wyoming for the winter semester.
i won't know anyone except my mom's siblings.
i will be venturing off to the great unknown.
i see this as prime time to begin my new goals.
you probably don't care, but here they are:
1. go to bed before midnight (definitely going to run into some problems here) ((weekends should probably be excluded))
2. run 3 miles every morning
3. shower DAILY.
4. write down purchases in check register
5. stick to a monthly budget
6. eat properly
7. begin yoga (don't worry, i already customized my yoga mat and downloaded 23 yoga podcasts on itunes.)
8. go to church every sunday. attend all church functions.
9. play the piano and guitar regularly.
10. read and study scriptures for 30 minutes every morning.
11. find a way to attend the temple regularly (basically impossible in wyoming, but i will not use my location as an excuse)
12. say 5 nice things about myself everyday.
13. give 3 compliments to other people everyday.
14. pray morning and night
15. write in journal once a week.
16. be a full tithe payer
17. go tanning (yes. this is a goal. judge away.)
18. use Crest white strips 
19. go rock climbing whenever possible
20. serve others.
welp. there they are. hopefully i'll have more motivation and willpower by the time january rolls around then i do now. 
school needs to end.
it's been a wonderful adventure, but i'm ready for the beginning of the end.
(note: if this post has been boring and/or unsatisfactory, i once again blame my lack of sleep, high stress levels that increase with each passing day, plummeting determination to put forth any effort into anything, boys that will forever disappoint me and attempt (but fail!) to ruin my life, and other stuff.
i love santa.
bye.
☮

there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

at last, i have made it home!! after 2.5 days, i already feel rejuvenated, like a brand new woman, ready to take on the world. homemade bread, REAL food, warm beds, loving family, cleanliness, harry potter, and soo much snow has been exactly what i needed as of late.
can i just say again how much i love and adore my little sister? she is everything wonderful in this world.

maddie made home made cake all by her self.
i was so proud.

the bread dough was out of control.

no one on the corner got swagger like us.

face of an angel

i also recently uncovered a plethora of old photos from the last 5 years of my life. needless to say, they will not be available for public viewing. but they did however bring back a flood of happy memories and countless reminders as to why i have no friends and no soulmate. i'm not sure why i was allowed out of the house during my high school years, dressed the way that i was. here's a preview:

no comment....

☮

hey soul sister.

i cannot wait to see my family in 2 days!!
i've been working on a special project for my sisters, rachel and maddie. it consumes ALL of my time and is so addicting, i can't stop.
i can't say what it is i'm working on, because there is a slim chance that they will actually read this and ruin the surprise. just know that it is EPIC. (not really, anyone could do it)
i got to talk to them both on the phone last night.
maddie is probably the happiest person i have ever known. every time i hear her little voice i have to smile, even if i don't want to.
i know rachel is still sad about the move, and it makes me sad that she is sad. but the more we talk, the happier she becomes (right? who wouldn't be happy talking to me? ha!)
my sisters and i have had so many wonderful times together:

This is typical.

but we really do love each other.

rachel ann, madison ivy, ashley jo

david archuleta boo ya grandma!

dentist! (when i discovered i had gingivitis)

as sisters in zion.

so, in a nutshell, i love these two girls to pieces. and if ANYONE hurts them in any way, i will cuuutttttt them.
the end.
☮

it's all coming back to me now.

hey. good. i don't really know what to say today.
faafaf.
i've pretty much given up hope on going to bed early. i've embraced the fact that i will be sleep deprived for the rest of my life, which I've learned from Chelsea causes memory loss, risk of diabetes and cancer, obesity, and probably.......other stuff.
i love jesus. and abraham lincoln. and flight of the conchords. and toy story.
yes i just looked at my wall to get ideas of what to write because my sleep deprivation causes me to have the attention span of a 2 year old and the memory of an 87 year old.

this is how i'm cutting my hairs next week. i'm soo excited because it was always this length in high school and i've let myself go. my hairs are disgustingly long and NAST. pretty much, after my haircut, i will probably get engaged right away and have 2,000,000 model offers and 14 trillion friend requests on facebook.
well, that's all i can muster for today.
good night.
☮